knitdds: thoughts on knitting, food, life

{January 24, 2007}   Protection. . .

I’m used to being a strong chick. Doing what I need to and doing it well, and in general, fending for myself, with a little additional help from my husband.

Lately, though, I seem to feel the need to be protected, and folks are all for protecting me.  Is this a normal side effect of pregnancy, or have I finally lost it?

For example, in the last several days I’ve read a couple of accounts of women losing their babies at or nearly at full term. One in a book (strangely enough, the Yarn Harlot book), one on a blog (KnitMongrel’s secret pal, here if you’d like to visit and support). Both made me tear up, get angry, scared, and frustrated. And I wished both stories had come with warning labels. As in,

 WARNING: Please do not read if you are pregnant, as this will cause you to become unduly concerned about your health and your baby’s health and, simultaneously make you more neurotic than you thought it was possible to be.

I’m (touch wood) gratefully very low risk and enjoying a wonderful pregnancy. I know these things happen, and I’m sorry for the women to whom they happen, because that’s my worst nightmare at this point. I’m already (unnaturally, it seems) neurotic enough because of my perceived responsibility towards this child and its life support. I tend to be the person who goes through life thinking “Oh, it’s all going to be ok”. . .but I would imagine that’s how these women were feeling when this happened to them.

On top of everything, I had a little guy show up yesterday with pockmarks all over his face. Now, frankly, I’ve had the chicken pox, and theoretically, I should be immune. But first, if his mother suspected he had chicken pox, she should not have been bringing him to a crowded pediatric dental office. Second, there seems to be a miniscule chance that the virus (were it NOT chicken pox) could be passed on to the baby, despite all my infection control protocol. So, when I spoke to my partner, (who’s 59 and male), he immediately volunteered to see this kid so I wouldn’t have to, and I sat in the office feeling like an idiot until he finished. I’m not fond of playing the princess and crying damsel in distress, but I felt responsible towards my kiddo first, rather than my patient, and that’s the first time it’s ever happened that way. 

I suppose that if there ever was a time in my life to be selfish and to let myself be protected, this is it, right? I mean, it’s not just me anymore, and it won’t be just me anymore for a long time to come. But I still feel vaguely guilty about it all. Maybe that will go away and maybe it won’t. Maybe it’s best just to continue to be thankful for what I’ve got.  


Oh, beautiful girl, I’m so sorry that my secret pal’s loss scared you… I didn’t want to tell you, and I should have put a warning on my blog… I feel like an ass.

Just know that you’ve got my support, and protection, and if anyone else tries to come near you with even a sniffle, let me know and I’ll kick their ass.

I’m so sorry honey. I hope you’re not too mad at me. xo

Welcome to motherhood, my dear. 🙂

Everything you’re feeling is totally normal. Before every single one of my checkups during pregnancy, I’d get a mini panic attack, because I was so afraid of hearing news that something might be wrong. I was also a low risk pregnancy and had no reason to feel that way, but I felt it anyway. These feelings did not subside until Maya was born. Then a whole new set of worries cropped up!

The bottom line – don’t ever feel bad for doing what you think is necessary to protect your kid. And, hey, don’t feel bad about everyone wanting to protect you. Take it while you can, cause you know when the kid gets here, no one’s gonna worry about you anymore. 🙂

meg says:

hey lady – i think you are totally validated in those actions and thoughts. you’re protecting yourself and your child, makes perfect sense to me.

hey i just noticed we both have almost identical colors on our blogs. wonder why we both chose green? could it be a certain football team?

hope you are doing okay and have a great weekend.

cheers, meg

Jen says:

I know how you feel….but you did the absolute right thing. As a mom of two, I have learned to trust my instincts when it comes to the safety of my children. That’s why it’s called WOMEN’s intuition!!

Best of luck with the rest of your pregnancy, and keep your eyes out for a little something for your wee little man.

Jen (your sp9 pal)

bethc says:

It is interesting when our concern for our own and our for those that we are to care for intersect… Welcome to just one of the many excitements of being a working mom!

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